We have babies!

The bird box in front of my office window has had a couple of birds flying in and out for some time now and we have recently noticed at least three big fat baby birds.  Yes we are so happy.  We hoped that we would get some of our local birds nesting where we could see them and we did.  We also discovered a nest on our back porch.  We took a look and there are 5 little blue eggs in the nest.  The birds that are nested there are red finches.  We are so excited to see the new arrivals soon. 
Wow the sheep are on the move all of a sudden.  I thought that the rain had stopped for the week but no it just started dumping with a vengeance.  The sheep are heading for the cover of the barn.  Smart move.  Boy am I glad I am not out there.  The dogs don't look like they are liking it either.  Nicky our alpha male is huddled in the wood shed.  Nobody really wants to be drenched with water.  The birds all get under the back veranda and wait it out.  I love to watch them out of my kitchen window.  It is an opportunity to see a bunch of different types of birds at once.  Besides the bird feeder is back there and they can eat while they wait. 
Funny but I was just on line checking the weather for the weekend and there wasn't anything about rain.  Oh well I will just take it as it comes.  I sure hope it doesn't rain tomorrow.  I wanted to order top soil and have it delivered tomorrow but I won't if it rains.  It is supposed to be sunny this weekend.  Me and Al are going to work in the garden and get things planted.  We already planted lettuce, potatoes, two peach trees and another fig tree.  We are going to plant a lot of the same veges we had last year and add a few other things.  I planted some cilantro and I just found out that this is coriander.  I had no idea!  We always need some cilantro/coriander and the bunches they sell at the grocery store are always way more than we need so it only seemed sensible to grow some.  I moved all of my herbs to the big trough and this way I will not have to move them again.  I had them in the ground with the tomatoes and when Al wanted to rototill we had to move them and decided that we needed a more permanent place so in the trough they will stay.  Our chocolate mint (or rather Rosie's) went berserk so we transplanted that to a more conducive spot just outside of our garden space so it can do what ever it does and it won't be a nuisance.  I am looking forward to the new things we will be growing.  We are going to try some okra, we like that for our seafood gumbo, some pablano peppers for our abalone rellenos, yum yum and we have already planted in an upsy daisey planter a variety of hot peppers. We will be making our own salsa.  We will have our old tried and true bell peppers for stuffing and salads, eggplant we love eggplant pizza, zuchinni, patty pan and crook neck squash, lemon cucumber, pickling cucumbers, snap peas, pole beans, cantalope, honey dew and some kind of watermelon.  We are planning on putting in some apple trees, a apricot tree, a key lime and a meyers lemon.  I would love a cherry tree but have been told it wouldn't do well here.  Oh well.  Well I have to go my phone is ringing off the hook.  Love ya.

Belonging

My space in Point Arena

I just had this huge feeling of missing.  What am I missing?  I am missing people.  Not just anybody but real people.  Open people, people willing to go to the depths with you.  People who are not afraid to be anyone they want or need to be.  I do not consider myself judgemental but I do get chemistry from people.  Some people you click with and others you just pass right on by.  How long do we have on this planet and how much time do you waste?  I think I just know in my heart when it is right.  I like to go with that. We have to don't we?
I tend to be very isolated.  Not always by choice but having a hearing impairment does limit the interactions I am willing to put myself into.  It is a really strange feeling to be in a room full of people who are talking to one another and not be able to understand anything that is being said.  No matter how close I get to the group or even within the circle of people I still cannot follow the conversation.  It is a lot like an out of body experience.  I am an observer not a participant.  So I find myself alone a lot because it is what I am most comfortable with.  But hey I am a living being and we beings need contact, communication, flesh.  Today I am missing my people. 
When I moved to Point Arena I was completely flabbergasted.  I remember telling my mother that I had finally found my people.  I had been looking a long time for them.  Real people.  People just being themselves.  No one really special yet spectacular just the same.  People living life.  Yet so much more in touch with something deeper.  Not the I want to be like, act like, have more, more, more attitude.  Accepting, free, fun.  Oh yeah we all have our issues but to be in a community of folks and really be a part of that community is so exhilarating.  I do believe that I would like for my base to be back in Point Arena.  That is extremely important to me.  One can find small clusters of people all over the world who are open and real I am sure and I am sure there are other places in the world like Point Arena.  I do not have first hand experience with any other places.  I am not closed to what the future may bring.  I just know that Point Arena better yet the Mendocino Coast is a special place and my heart has been touched deeply.      

Lazy Day?

Sometimes you just feel like doing nothing and I feel that way today.  However doing nothing is not what I do.  As usual I got up today started the coffee, stoked the fire, turned on the computer and started knitting.  No I am not knitting " Cane Sweaters".  My youngest daughter Rosie's best friend from grammar school just had a little baby girl and I am making her a sweater.  I am almost done.  It is a really cool pattern.  The sweater zips up the back.  Everybody I have made one for seems to really like them.  As I mentioned in a previous blog I am trying to make up and complete projects so that I can do some new things.  I would really like to incorporate some Aboriginal painting techniques on some future art project.  I like their designs.  I saw an art car on the Mendocino coast when I lived up their.  A woman had painted an entire car with this Aboriginal design.  It was really cool.  The entire car was done in these dots with hands painted in different places.  I wish I could find a photo of it.  I tried looking for it on line but I didn't have any luck.  I keep thinking I would like to paint my car and maybe I will.  Even if I just painted a section at a time.  Like I have time to do anything like that right now.  Ha! 
Well here I am again sitting in front of the window and watching the Starlings flying in and out of their nest box.  I am sure that they have babies in there.  They are taking in a lot of worms.  I am looking forward to seeing the babies take flight.  I guess I should research when the eggs probably hatched and then find out how old the fledgelings have to be before they fly.  I love researching things.  One can learn so much and you do not have to go to school to learn.  Don't get me wrong.  I like school but sometimes the presure is just too much.  I would rather learn at my own pace and retain the information.  Not just learn quickly so that I can pass a test and get a grade.  Because that does seem to be the bulk of attending college sometimes.  I just love learning.  I don't really care how I learn just that I continue to do so. 
I was taking a test yesterday and some of the questions that were posed to me I was flabbergasted with.  Things I have heard of but just haven't currently thought about.  Like who was Madame Curie?   I remember studying about her but for the life of me I couldn't remember what she did or who she was.  Well she was a physicist, scientist and she was a pioneer in the field of radioactivity, she was the first person to receive two Nobel prizes, first woman professor at the University of Paris.  There is so much more but you get the idea.  If you want to learn more about her check out wikipedia there is lots of info there.  The questions I was being asked were quite intriguing.  I love being challenged or having my memory jogged.  Who was Cleopatra?  Who was Martin Luther King Jr.?  Who was the President of the United States during the civil war?  What are the names of all of the continents?  What is the capital of Italy?   Defining words also was posed to me.  Many I have used and heard but to define accurately is a whole different story.  I thought it was quite fun and of course I came home and looked up the things I could remember to see how accurate I was. 
I thought that the testing was pretty interesting.  I was taking it to see if I have any learning disabilities.  I want to rule out all possibilities and then proceed forward with the schooling thing.  I started this semester with a full load, 12 units and I ended up dropping all but one class.  I just couldn't seem to get the information into my head.  Of course I haven't been in school for over 10 years but still I had a similar problem when I was going to school before.  I just want to be sure as to the avenue I should be heading down.  I want to give myself every opportunity to succeed.  
I went into the tutorial center yesterday and met a couple of really nice folks who could be quite helpful.  One of which has a hearing impairment also and understood exactly where I was coming from.  I will stay in contact with them and get all the help I can. 
I have tried my whole life to get this school thing down.  It has been a tremendous struggle for me.  But god dam it I will get where I want to go.  Come hell or high water I will succeed!  I believe I am one class away from getting my AA.  I am currently working on my certificate for Medical coding and billing.  Then I would like to add to my repertoire of sewing skills.  Then who knows what else.  The sky is the limit eh?  Onwards and upwards I say.  I guess I will part here.  See ya later.  xxooxx

Oh the Wind

The Wind came up yesterday and I was fine with that until I went outside.  I have allergies and last night at work I was miserable.  Today I took some antihistamine.  I think it is helping but I am still sniffling, my eyes are watery and I thought I was going to pass the allergies up this year.  I thought that because the sheep keep the grass down that I wouldn't have any issues.  Wrong!!  Oh well I am just going to have to deal with it.  Along with the wind it is a bit on the cold side.  Got a fire in the stove and trying to stay warm.  The sun is shining so I know there are some warm spots to be outside but my allergies are so bad right now I just don't want to chance making them worse. 
As I write I am looking out my window and the Starlings are going in and out of their little home.  Baby birds soon to hatch.  It will be fun watching them.  I love watching all the wildlife around here. 

Finishing up the deck

Corner of old deck.

Photos of the rebuilt deck to come as soon as I get my new camera.

Oh my am I sore!  I spent the entire day yesterday building my step for my deck, putting in a 4x4 support and completing the the deck floor.   The step that I replaced was only 4 feet long, the new one is 15 feet long.  It will serve as a step and a place to sit or put plants on.  It is 20 inches wide so it is a big step.  Our new/old deck is so nice with it's seat/bed and new floor boards.  It was a mess before.  I will be covering a foam pad for the seat/bed and covering some pillows so we can sit and read or take a nap on it.  What ever strikes our fancy.  I put up some reed fencing around the main deck for privacy but I am not sure I like it.  It blocks our view from inside the house.  I do not know if I will leave it up or not.  I really like the way things are looking though.  We have our new clear roofing on the veranda so lots of light coming in the house.  You can sit on the sofa and read without a light on now.  I will put back the extension that used to be in front of the existing veranda.  It will help with keeping the rain off the deck.  It will give us a little more protection. 
Next project who knows.  I plan to relax today.  No hard labor for me.  I will probably do some quilting.  I have so many projects to complete.  But one can only do so much.  I will get my breakfast and think about what I would really like to do.  A little bit of food in ones stomach can do a world of wonders. 
I had to start a fire this morning and warm up the house.  It is so windy today and I thought it was supposed to be in the low seventies.  So much for wearing shorts today.  I actually have on my down vest I'm so cold.  Well folks this is going to be a short entry for today.  I have to run to the grocery store and get a few supplies.  Talk at ya later.

The Goslings are Dead!

Some of our local Geese.

Last Thursday the momma goose was on her nest as usual.  She was so devoted.  Friday I noticed egg shells.  I knew that something got into the nest but I decided to go check anyway just to be sure.  Yes no doubt about it something got into the nest and ate the goslings.   I was gathering some of the shells and turned to go back to the house.  On the trail buried under dirt and leaves was a whole goose egg.  I grabbed it, it was in good shape but really cold.  I thought maybe it would still be alive.  I checked around but couldn't find out any information so I went with the possibility that it was alive.  I fixed up a make shift incubator and warmed up the egg.  I left for the weekend and hoped.  When I got back the egg was still whole and I knew that even if it was alive it wouldn't be ready to hatch for another week or so.   In the mean time I searched on line for a bird rescue place to see if I could get any information regarding the possibility of the gosling being alive after getting so cold.  Well I found out that it was very unlikely and was told to just let it go back into the earth.  Maybe next year the goose will have better luck.  I was sad.  I so wanted the momma goose to have her babies.  Oh well.  I guess it really is better this way because I am of the understanding that the gosling would have imprinted on me and I would be the mother.  I do not need that right now in my life.  I do not want to be responsible for any more animals right now.  One old cat is enough!  I do not have the time, the money or the resources to be caring for animals the way they should be taken care of.  The guy who owns the sheep here on the property he needs to get an education on caring for animals or at least be compassionate.  These poor sheep are limping and some of them have maggots on them apparently.  I haven't seen them up close but that is what the owner has told me.  I sure hope he is doing something about it.  I don't think he is and that is based upon the way he is with his dogs.  I all about money.  Maybe a little about having something to do.  I really do not know.  It is just sad to see animals suffering needlessly.  But then hey that is the way of life.  Some are conscious and some aren't.  Oh well. 
I am looking out the window and it is a beautiful day.  The sun is shining and the sky is blue with a few clouds.  There is a little wind but nothing outrageous.  I am going to try to get some sewing done today.  I want to work somemore on my quilt and finish some other projects I have started.  It is time to get things completed and start some new projects.   Well folks I will talk at ya later. 

Memories

The love of my life then.  The love of my life now.  Same guy!

What about those things?  Memories that float around in your brain popping up sometimes completely unexpected.  What about those memories?  They can send you into convulsive laughter and they can set the flood waters loose.  Well last night out of no where the flood waters were set loose.  Do you want to hear about them?  What do you think when one shares their deeper most inner feelings?  Does it scare you?  Is it embarrassing?  What?  Does it even matter?  Do you just lend an open ear?  Well let me tell you some more about me.  Here I am in front of my computer writing.  I do not start with something in mind to talk about.  Stuff just begins to flow.  I do not sit here with any particular intentions other than to write.  So enter these pages with an open mind and heart for what you might experience is up for grabs.
Do you ever think about your regrets?  Do you have any?  What do you do about them?  Can you do anything about them?  Do you ever think about leaving this place and talk to yourself about what it is you are doing and are you going to have any regrets?  I do think about these things.  I think about my girls first.  They are my number one.  I think we had a decent life.  We lived in a lot of interesting places, did some exciting things.  But it was not an uneventful life.  Happiness, fun yes we had our share of these feelings and experiences.  Sadness and stress we are familiar with these also.  Are we the better, stronger for these life experiences?  I believe so.  Would my girls feel the same?  I think so.  We did not live a conventional life!  I cannot say I didn't want to for no matter how much I believe that I am doing my own thing I realize I am influenced by society and the world we all share.  Outside pressures as to how people think things should be is incredibly difficult to keep at bay.   It is a constant struggle to stand up in the face of adversity and do what you think is right for you.  Decisions come and go directing the path of our lives and sometimes we no not where we will end up.  The decisions that I have made in my life were never with the intentions of hurting anyone!  People are hurt sure but I never intentionally set out to cause pain.  Struggle I have.  It seems to have been a prerequisite in my life.  Not that I ever expected things to be easy but I have wished that things would let up a little.  Don't get me wrong I appreciate so much.  I mean look at where I live for one.  I have three beautiful daughters.  They are healthy, have great partners and I have three beautiful grand kids.  I am thankful.
I am human.  I do have my regrets and they began before my girls were born.  This is a confessional day for me I guess.
I regret that I never finished High School.  I love learning.  I continue to learn to this day. 
I regret that I didn't stay with Al. He is the love of my life.  I was just to young to know any better.
The rest is water under the bridge.  I have made every effort to learn everything and anything my heart desires.  Whether or not I have a piece of paper to say I graduated doesn't really matter to me.  But it does matter to the world at large.  Me and Al are back together after 35 plus years and we love each other deeply.  We are working out our issues.  We both were terribly hurt by our split way back when and we have a lot of healing to do.   But hey life goes on and we intend to live it to the fullest.  I have some things I would change if I could but I can't take back what has already been done.  Maybe in another life huh?  Here and now I will do what I can to spread my love and happiness to those I care about and some of those I do not even know.  I love my life and the journey I am on.  Know you are loved and I hope that I can touch you deeply.  Namaste my friend.

Snow Yesterday and Sunny today who knows?

 The quilt on the left is one of two I made for my granddaughters and the one on the right I made for a really lovely lady for Christmas.  (That will be another story another day)

Yesterday just before heading to work I was talking with Al.  I said to him that it felt like snow and he said I was too low.  I went to the store before work and mentioned to the cashier what I said about snow.  The guy in front of me said we in fact did get snow at the northern end of Cloverdale.  What next?  It was just a couple of weeks ago that we had 75 degree weather.  Well that is the spring for you.  Sun today, rain tomorrow.  I just go with the flow.  I do not listen to the radio very often and when I do I am just listening to the music.  I do not have satalite or any other type outside news so I just go with the flow.  I am good with that.  It is what it is.  If I need a fire in the stove I light one.  It just happens that I have one going now and I love it.  I keep my bedroom door closed so that it is nice and crispy in there.  I like sleeping in a cold room.  I like the cold crisp air to breath.  Besides when your bed is nice and toasty who cares what it's like outside.  I have this routine that I do each night or rather each morning when I get home from work.  I come in the door shut off the outside lights, turn on my computer, head for the bedroom turn on my heated mattress that I have on my bed, change into comfy sweats, head for the kitchen, get a snack, boot up the internet and check out my farm.  I like playing with the farm.  It is a bit of relaxation for me.  Then off to bed to read for a while.  By 2am I am snuggled down under the covers and roasty toasty.  I am out like a light.  I only heat up half of my bed so that if I get too warm I can move over to the other side.  That is if Al isn't here.  Then I don't need the heat we create that all by our selves. He is not here right now so heating mattress it is.  When Al isn't around I do things a lot differently.  I read in bed, stay up late and in the morning my routine is totally different.   When I get up it is usually late by my regular standards.  Now that I work from 9pm to 1am my sleeping and waking patterns are totally screwed up.  Not what I would like and what I have been used to for many years.  But hay I have a job right?  When I get up in the morning I stoke the fire, start the water for coffee, turn on the computer and while I am waiting take my daily pills, thyroid and enzymes pills.  I have to take them on an empty stomach so coffee is the thing I have first.  After relaxing for about an hour reading or just putting around I have my breakfast.  Right now I love to have a bowl of shredded wheat sometimes with a banana and sometimes just with a bit of raw sugar.  I love to read when I eat my breakfast and I usually have a good book.  I just finished reading a James Harriet book, All things Great and Beautiful.   I think that was the one.   I read it many years ago and found it in the thrift store the other day.  I also just finished another book called Tisha a true story about a woman who went to teach in a remote Alaskan  village in the 1920's.  I finished that in a couple of days.  It was well written and really good I thought.  Now I do not know what I am going to read.  I have a couple of books I have started but they are slow going.  I may pick them up and try to finish them.  I am currently working on a quilt and would love to finish it.  I have a few that I need to complete and give to those who I started them for.  I started to make quilts for each one of the babies in my family but everyone started having babies so close together and there were a few of them that I got behind.  I would like to get caught up here soon and move on to other sewing projects.  I recently fixed a jacket for Al.  He has a quilted shirt jacket with a hood that he loves to wear around the ranch but it was literally falling off of him.  It belonged in the rag bag.  I wanted to remove the hood and put it on another quilted shirt/jacket he had but it was taking me a while to get around to it.  I finally jumped in and ripped the old one apart and fixed up a new one.  He loved it but misses the zipper so I will take off the buttons on the new one and put on a zipper instead.  So much to do and I love it.  So I will part here for now and get to the quilt.  I have a lot of catching up to do.  Love you all.  Keep coming back.